It's 3:03am. I'm haunted by the idea of not speaking out, not speaking up and not standing out. Over the past three weeks, I've had the opportunity to converse with some very brave people. I've also been involuntarily exposed to some knowledge that I would have (with the choice) never positioned myself to receive. Throughout the course of these last 3 weeks, I have alluded to the development of this blog. However, as much as I wanted to quickly release this message, I needed to be patient and sensitive regarding the timing and delivery. Even now, I will only share bits and pieces. I'll spare the juicy details for the book ;)
As I felt lead to address specific topics, I'd write reminder notes and email them to myself :) I'll begin by quoting a part of a tweet I issued on the 19th:
What does it really mean to be "delivered and set free"?
Too often we rejoice in God's grace, having not yet accepted the LIBERTY that comes with it. One may be delivered from the 'doing' or the substance, but is still in bondage as GUILT and SHAME act as a conditioned state of incarceration. The road to FREEDOM is confession and admittance. What good is a testimony unshared?? *Now that'll preach!!*
Let's be real. Never in history has an unspoken truth set anyone free. (If you know of any incident, please feel free to comment. I'll willingly stand corrected.) Even the greatest of truths must be declared for deliverance -- see Romans 10:9. What makes others different? There's a reason the first step to sobriety is confession. If we don't believe there's a problem - substance abuse, trust issues, infidelity, disease lying, mental illness, theft, sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc - working towards a conclusion is pointless. We're simply going through the motions. And instead of having a goal of healing, we seek the approval and satisfaction of other people.
So many of us are quick to testify of the goodness of Jesus regarding
economic recovery and healing from terminal illnesses (which is
amazing); but we become secretive in sharing his goodness through
suffering caused by our doing. (Messes caused by those closest to us, to
which we aided or ignored the wrong doing is our responsibility as
well.) Perhaps the reason is this: although the action is done away
with, we haven't quite forgiven ourselves.
We are holding ourselves captive -- prisoners to the jail bars of "what if" [they knew about this?], "what would" [they think of me?], "how would" [they feel/react]. If you're anything like me, you've studied for the possible answers to each of these for so long that you've talk yourself out of freedom, thinking your internal suffering is worth solitary confinement -- what you feel should be your ultimate punishment. Speaking of prison. Do you know prisoners (who actually committed crimes) tend to be the most truthful and open about their wrongdoings? Their lives have been publicized. Once they have owned up to their situation, forgiven themselves and progressed to a healthy lifestyle, what anyone else says matters not. The easiest way to
put and end to a rumored truth (correct statement that has yet to be verified) is to tell it yourself. No one can hold
anything against you if you've already made it known. How can you expect God to bless you in other areas of your life if you're still holding yourself in contempt regarding things of the past? You can't possibly believe He'll bless you if you're still punishing yourself for that which He has forgiven you. To suffer guilt and shame, means you don't trust yourself and are not certain you've overcome the obstacle, and/or you don't truly believe you're forgiven. Think about it. (That's a lesson all by itself.)
Accepting defeat and a life of guilt and shame is just as detrimental to your mental health and physical body as being subjected to drugs or abusive encounters. That's not liberation. Instead, hangups in life should be viewed not as setbacks, but as strengthening tests from which lessons are learned, to which one might say:
I abandoned my son, but I'm working to restore that relationship, and I will not allow my guilt to tell me I'm not good enough to be a positive example in his life now.
OR
I was abused as a teenager. My feelings and the effect it has on me is real; however, I will release it by talking it out and sharing my experience not just for my freedom but for the deliverance of others. I will not make it an excuse to not be the best me I can be.
Someone has to SPEAK UP. Not every testimony is meant to be shared with the masses. Often times, it's to be shared with a specific group or person. Not everyone can handle or will be receptive of your testimony. For testimonies in which we were victims, it may be best not to disclose specific names. The focus is not to ruin reputations. However, if that person is still a threat, for the sake of others, please speak out. This is when we must use discernment (not reasoning based on logic or feelings) to know what, when, where and how. When the answer to those four questions are clear, have FAITH, be OBEDIENT and go forth UNASHAMED. Be confident knowing that you are obtaining your freedom by helping someone else -- a sure way to enlighten others and eliminate any further guilt and shame on your part. Luke 4:18-19
What does this have to do with The Arts? The answer is expression. For many, creating art, be it a picture or dance and engaging in the expression of these real feelings via, visual or performing arts acts as an outlet for one to release. Holding such grief causes physical damage to the body. We feel guilt and shame when
reflecting on actions, words, at times even thoughts which we find
regrettable.
"Ideally, we learn from such sorrow, not to cause pain in
the same way again either to ourselves or others. At the same time,
brooding too long over wrongs from the past can become self-destructive.You are your own worse enemy and your best cheerleader."
So, you've been healed. It's time to take the next steps. Complete the process:
Be DELIVERED - hand it completely over to God. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, not a dwelling place for guilt and shame. LET IT GO!!!
Be SET FREE - Take charge. FORGIVE yourself. Exhale and allow the healing to take place!!!
As always: be you, be true and allow no one to tell you you can't--including yourself. Those who matter will love you unconditionally, and what really matters has never changed.
--RhyMi
