Bare Naked Truth

Mommy has been encouraging me to become more transparent. Says it's freeing O_o I already don't like wearing clothes. How much more naked can I be???????

There's so much things to say right now. (Yes. You read that correctly. I typed it that way intentionally.) I'm almost uncertain as of where to start. The beginning you say?  Uuuuugh...NO!! It's not that simple. To sum it all up, I'd say, "OK, LORD!!!!! I GET IT!!!! Geez!!"  Get what, you ask.  The fact that I need to show honest emotion. Ok, it's out... *rolls eyes and sighs* :) Aside from smaller spiritual nuggets (conversational confirmations), the issue at hand was brought to my attention on three (3) separate occasions.

 

Lauryn Hill - Bob Marley So Much Things to Say (Cover)

Every morning, when I speak to the Twitter Nation, I send an encouraging word or food for thought (that I usually post to my wall on the Book of Faces as well). These brief statements are really personal reminders for me that I have chosen to share with others. (1) This morning, I read Friday's devotional, which was titled Showing Honest Emotion.  (2) Yesterday I picked up The Power of a Praying Woman (after having put it down earlier this year), and the chapter that was next in my reading was titled, "Lord Set Me Free From Negative Emotions". (3) Last night, I had a heart to heart with Mommy about how much of a talker I AM NOT!! Surprised?? Allow me to clarify:

I TALK...about the entertainment industry, things people can see (the tangible), debatable issues such as politics and scientific theories, reality shows, comedic references and anything that doesn't make me appear vulnerable. Many know that I have quite the presence in social media; and though strong, it doesn't scratch the surface of who I am inside. It's simply my stage. (After all, I am an entertainer.) Many actors fear exposing themselves before audiences. I don't. It brings about a sense of indirect emotional release for me, because I know the character I'm playing, although believable, is not my reality. Instead, it's my excuse to cut a fool and get away with it. LOL Method actors, on the other hand.......I'll save this for another blog post.  ;)

I'm VERY sociable and outgoing.  I LOVE PEOPLE, and I LOVE TO TALK WITH PEOPLE. However, when it comes down to how I really feel inside (that mushy gushy stuff, being hurt in the past or struggling to "do it right"), I rarely ever share. I don't deny my feelings. Nor am I one to say all is well when it's not. I simply repel inquiries by saying: "I'll be okay" or "I don't wanna talk about it," and retreat with hope that whatever it is blows over and eventually vanishes. A friend described it perfectly by saying I'm good at having long, surface conversations. :)

In so few words, Mommy told me I had a serious problem with appearing like I have it together all the time. Said I need to see a therapist and get rid of the facade. Otherwise, when I do choose to open up to someone, they may not realize just how much I hurt or need their help.

o_O   *chirping crickets*

Ok, it wasn't THAT harsh, and she made no mention of a therapist.  Actually it wasn't harsh at all, BUT because it's something I've been struggling with, it slapped me in the face rather hard. Her honesty was much needed, and I certainly appreciate it. I would not have received that information had I not opened up to her and been honest with my feelings. Lesson learned.
(Please don't read deeply into my above dramatization. I was a theatre major...remember?)

Moving right along...
We all get emotional. Anyone that believes he/she doesn't is not being honest with him/herself. Now THAT's a book for another lifetime. We all have feelings. Contrary to popular belief, we can't control them. However, we can control the way we REACT or RESPOND because of them. I'm learning to talk and express myself without being concerned about the reaction or response of the person with whom I am sharing. It's not fair for me to hinder the developmental process between me and another person, because I'm so concerned about saying "safe". I will admit that I'm guarded, because I want to be careful not be get burned (again). But let's be real. We're bound to get hurt. But I'm at a point in my life were I'd rather get hurt and move on than to have never had the opportunity to share my life with the closest friends I have yet to learn or meet. Bob Marley said it best:  

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. 

You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

I've said all this to liberate myself and perhaps help someone else struggling with expression. This post is not to start exposing myself or to become vulnerable to the world. It's the start of an extraction exercise to rid myself of negative emotions. If one can't accept you for you, count is as lost for them and a bullet you dodged. Think about it.

This is simply the Gospel According to Rhyan, which to some means nothing at all!! :D
Ok, sooooooo, yeah. I feel more NAKED now than I felt the time I went streaking in Central Park!! JUST KIDDING!!!  (Grams: I have NEVER been streaking, ok?! PROMISE)

Be you; be true; 

Carefree, not careless;

Laugh yourself to LIFE;

Listen with your heart. Love fearlessly

Pray about EVERYTHING

Live Deliberately

--RhyanMichele